How the Queen Spent Her Day

How does the Birthday Queen spend her Special Day?

1.  She reminds her husband that it is not only Joe Biden's birthday.

2.  When the Queen Mother calls in a panic, she reassures her that the drugs obtained without prescription over the internet from India are not going to kill anyone.  But yes, she will make an appointment for the Queen Mother to see her doctor that day.

3.  After the Queen's truck slides down the driveway, the Princess guides it to a spot in the woods, and a call is made to the school saying the Princess wouldn't make it.

4.  The other Princess calls from a ditch in the driveway, saying she's stuck.

5.  The realtor phones to say, yes he got the message about canceling the showing of the castle, but won't the drive have dried out by then.  The Queen ignores that, tells him that the Princess is now outside skating on it, (and jeese louise the maid is off for the day).

6.  After a lovely Special Day lunch of leftover Chinese noodles, raw carrots and a Chocolate Clif bar, the Queen acknowledged the presence of her only son and heir.  Yes, perhaps the Prince could move into his new residence that day.  Unbeknownst to the realtor, the drive had dried, and it was perhaps possible to transfer the Prince's choicest belongings (and the old couch) to the new castle he's leased in the valley below.

7.  The Queen and her ever so large Corgis, stride off on a grand promenade through the woods, invigorated by the raw frozen air, and exercise their lungs and legs.  

8.  The Prince and Queen lug the couch to the carriage, ever so politely, and with quiet moans and absolutely no shouting or yelling at all.  mmmm, yes.

9.  Since the couch does not quite fit inside the luggage area, the Prince tries lifting the tailgate.  This is not a successful operation, and there are more murmurs on the driveway.  After a slight struggle, the old couch leg is retrieved from the crack.  All is well in the kingdom, and the procession begins.

10.  The Queen cosigns the new castle lease, having to hear about mold, fire, evictions, illegal drug usage, failure to pay on time, and other fascinating aspects of the financial obligations of the kingdom.

11.  At last, the Queen and Prince are able to see the new castle in person, armed with a checklist to note any faulty items, like a malfunctioning drawbridge for instance.  In fact, it is only the red stain on the living room rug that draws their attention.  Faint as it is, it tells the tale of either a wounded knight or a misstep during grape crushing season.

12.  The couch seems ever so much lighter as it merrily makes its way to it's new home.

13.  At a shopping expedition at the discount arm of Harrod's (Walmart), the young Prince chooses his silverware and dish patterns, and stocks up on various sundries.

14.  Then it's home to see the King.  

15.  The King always, always believes in eating at the proper hour.  Thus, when his family strides in at the stroke of 6, he hastily (knowing it is the Queen's Special Day) shoves the dinner she's prepared that morning into the microwave.  Randomly, he sets the timer for 8 minutes on defrost.  Perhaps that will do the trick.  Then he inquires whether that is all the salsa in the castle.

16.  The Queen pours herself quite a large glass of Chardonnay, and watches as her servants bustle around the kitchen.  How lovely it is to simply remind them that this is her special day.  How unfortunate that they do not seem able to make salads or fruit.  Ah well, she will throw some lettuce in the bowls.

17.  The food is eaten.  The presents are opened.  The King prances around with an earring pretending he is from Africa.  

18.  More guests arrive, and the festivities blossom.  A lovely strawberry shortcake baked by the younger Princess herself, is savored by all.

19.  The Prince does the dishes.  The King goes for a walk with the ever so large Corgis.  The guests go their separate ways....

20.  The Queen showers and falls onto her bed.  She considers reading and then turns off the light.  In two shakes of a lambs tail, she's asleep.  

21.  The Queen Mother calls.  Her Corgi is being returned from it's 2nd new home.  Problem here.  But the Queen is too tired and requests they discuss this in the morning.  

22.  And so went the Special Day of the Queen, who, with a sigh, was glad it was over again for a year.